Life can be really tough at times, especially when you are alone. I just don't seem to understand. Why A must happens to this person and B must happen on another person? Why can't B happens to this person and A happens on another person? What do You have in mind Daddy? You've got everything in your hands right? Must we go through all the bad things only then we can know you more? Are there any other way that makes me seek You rather than making it bad for me in order to make me seek You. Well, I mean a not so emotionally smashed kinda way. Oh dear... I don't mean to throw out these. I am just wondering. Ok... let's try this equation. Lord put bad things which make us sad. The purpose is to remind us of His grace, love, and mercy and to go back to Him. When we seek Him, the gap will be smaller. BAD+SAD= closer to God, stronger me. Why must it be that way? Why human tends to forget about God? If we don't then... will the bad things go away from us? Why must we sin? Why is Jesus the only way? Why God the king of universe so good go and die for me on the cross to pay the price that I am suppose to pay? I mean... me, such a tiny little dot on earth, i don't deserve all these. And yet, He DID all for me. God is good. God is always good and I trust that. Daddy, why is life so many stages? Is there anything like:" It is SUPPOSED to be that way! It is supposed to be like this! And you are supposed to feel this way! And when this happens, you are supposed to feel this way and do this."??? There are things that... might not turn out to be the way they supposed to be right? What will Jesus do when He got frustrated? Today, and yesterday too, many people got frustrated and stressed. My very dear boyfriend and friends that I really care. The weather's fault? Yea right... blame the sun. Oh well, somehow all that affects my emotion too. All I can do is to try my best to listen to them, tell them to be strong, to be patient, sayang them a bit... and of course bring them before the Lord in prayers. Please make me a better listener Lord. Life can be really mean isn't it? It goes out of our control at times. When it happens, it has to happen on me, just me. It is the matter of how you walk through it, the being strong thingy, the emotional control, the effort to balance up everything and the courage to take the next step through Christ. One more thing, being able to praise Him in such a time. This is what I think, and I know it's NOT easy. Easy for me to say, but it is far more harder for anyone to do it.
I read back my journal today. A blue little diary. From year 2006 ... back to year 2003. I see how God guide me all the way since I started my Uni in Malacca and now in Cyberjaya, those days when I went astray, and how God bring me back to Him. There were some stupid things that I feel like tear off the page. Those were really silly. I was like "What???!!! that's how I think and feel at that time??? UEKKK!!" haha... nvm.. I will keep the pages in complete one piece there are some good ones though'. I suddenly realize that I am away of home for a few years already. Of course I did go back every semester break... but yah man, I miss home... I went to
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