Phylli has a heart that cherishes her but at the same time the little heart break by itself. The little heart doesn't know it is capable of killing her by doing that. Pleading inside, Phylli asks it to stop.
Metal jumping in my brain. They can't stop. They just don't want to stop.
It's nothing wrong to have all. But it's just not right to have all.
I can't stop giving. I can't stop caring.
Me is me. Me weird. Me can't control.
Me don't wanna be so drama.
Me felt stupid.
Me don't wanna hurt anyone.
But at the same time, me... don't wanna hurt myself.
My ulcer paining. big big. It makes me headache. I couldn't talk properly. Let see how it looks like ok? Don't get disgusted. hehe... it is as big as my tooth.
I was on Doulos at that time. It ruined my mood and excitement. I tried so hard not to cry. I sms Noel telling him that I am upset. I was then outside the ship and I saw him standing at the deck outside of the kitchen wearing an apron. Seeing him, I know I missed him so much. Tear starts flowing out of my eyes. I couldn't hide them but lucky I was wearing my red cap and it covers my eyes. He saw me... And he quickly asked a person beside him whether he could just take a break. He took off his apron and passed it to the other person and he ran down to me. I wanted so much for his shoulder but he wasn’t allowed to do that since it is the rule of the ship. He looked at me and asked me gently:" Why? Darling…". Well, it is enough for him to just standing there and just to be there for me. Sigh... I miss him so much.
Noel and I started officially on 26-2-06, one year plus already. It was not easy for us to be together. Instead, it's really hard. We'd been going through such obstacles... It's a long story that I will not be able to describe it here but because of that our relationship became even stronger. Noel has been a super blessing to me, a special gift from God. He became my guide, decision analyst, sandbag... someone that became one big part of my life. Precious. We went to the same Christian Fellowship and at that time, I didn't know much about him. I remembered during CyberChristmas year 2005, I saw him performing on the stage. He was playing guitar while the spot light were focusing on him. At that moment, I felt like: “wow... this guy is just so "
Relationship is just so complex that it brings all kinds of feeling to you. God be the head of our relationship and there is commitment between us. If not, very the hard. It is still not easy and there are things that shake me sometimes... I wouldn't know what is going to happen in the future. I am not that stable and I know you are worried at some point. Me too. I can get distracted easily. Well, looks like i got loads to learn isn't it? Love... It's not about changing each other, but learning to accept each other. It is about opportunity cost too.
One year ago
Recently
Imagine a heart-shaped container filled up with thankful liquid. Can you imagine that? That is how I feel inside my heart.CDPC anniversary makes me filled up with thankfulness. Not only that, I am thankful for that very Sunday night. My Chinese Christian Fellowship had out own music cafe for the second time. It is called "LOVE Music Cafe" yeah, to tell people about the love from God. On that Sunday, I was singing in the morning in church and at night at the hall. Thank God for this wonderful gift and I know I need to use it for You. Sometimes, I sing out of tune on purpose. It sounds bad when I do that. Well, life wouldn't be so happy without singing.
We did Love Music Cafe once last year. CCF-ers come together makan, listen to nice songs and chit chat with each other... that was just nice. With a nice environment that we set up lights, little tables and nice back drop. This time, we make Love Music Cafe2 and we invite many freshies this time in a way to promote CCF and to know them. This time, we had a better one compared to last year. More people and we manage to tell them about Jesus. How Jesus makes changes in our lives. It turned out to be more like an evangelism kind of gathering. Well, just a little. I just hope we didn't scare away non-Christians. At the last song, I sang a love song to God, How could I live without you. Yah man, I would not be able to live without Him in my life, too many events that happened to me that I couln't count. After that event, after we done cleaning up the place, suddenly the strong wind blow like mad into the hall. The water in the pool was dancing. Wind blows on my face for so long. Wow, Thank God for that strong wind. It blows away all the tiredness.
The next day, I was sick. Thank God I got sick only after all the events.
People who came signed their name on this board.
From the left: Noel, Phyllis and Chee Meng.
This was made by my brother. Isn't it cool?!
CDPC stands for City Discipleship Presbyterian Church, it's not: 'Put Your CD Into Your PC'. But this is how we tought that dunno-our-church-name lady to announce our name during the Subang Parade performance. keke...
Last Sunday, it was CDPC 6th birthday. It was a great celebration as we brought a thankful heart before the Lord. I thank God that all the performances went well! It was really fun duet with Sarah Pastor told the church the history of CDPC and how God blesses the church till today. It started humbly at Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ in SS2, Petaling Jaya with a handful of people.
I started joining this church 2 years ago when I came to Cyberjaya. They send a van to MMU to fetch us every Saturday or Sunday. So, I go to CDPC. It is an English church; I mean... a church that communicates in English. At that time, I still bringing a Mandarin bible and there are some 'bible jargons' that I not familiar with. It's not easy for someone like me who had stick with Methodist for my 19 years of life to change to another denomination. Things have to go through a Mandarin processor to an English processor. Slowly, God lead me through that process of change steadily. Then, I asked God to let me serve in the church and He did. I started to serve in the worship team and at the same time, getting know more nice friends in church. Well, more as a family, my brothers and sisters. People who have the heart in serving the Lord inspire me. People who serve Him humbly inspire me. The little kids inspire me. CDPC is a comfortable church, it is all from the Lord and it doesn't come in a day.
Dear Father, I thank You for CDPC and Your unfailing love to CDPC. Thank You Lord for this wonderful different talents that You gave us. May the church keep on seeking you and become more like You each and everyday. May the church is one that is faithful in Your eyes. In Jesus mighty name I pray, Amen.
Imagine me without You
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Till the end of time forever
You're the only love i need
In my life You're all that matters
In my eyes the only true i see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me
When you caught me i was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like You heard my calling
And You rushed to set me free
When i found You i was blessed
And i will never leave You, i need You
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day i'd be afraid
Without You there to see me through
Imagine me without You
Lord You know it's just impossible
Because of You it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without You
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