DEAR Earthlings

my new blog URL is as below:

www.phyllispeaks.tumblr.com


WOOHOO!

This blog is in a mess. Should I dump it and start anew?

My hair starting to fall. It's quite scary to see so much hair coming out when you wash them. But it is a much better side effects than the others coz it doesn't make you sick.

Now that not only dogs hair we gotta vacuum, gotta vacuum human hair as well.

I am alright with hair falling off and having a bald head. How about you?

Do you ever doubt your existance? I always do and I question. But today it became real.

Why were we created in the first place into this sinful world and already have sin in us without us making the choice to come on earth. Then strive to survive but yet through sufferings without giving us a chance then to die in the end? Everyone will die. Every season is a new chapter in life. but at the end it is always death.

Why would You create us into sin and yet said You love us? You said for those who believe in you shall have abundant life but the truth is... it's so much pain.

Why exist? Why create? why me?

⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Here comes the time for uncertainty to sink in. It is exciting but yet scary. You never know what is ahead of you and what is to come.

Your mind became another you that speaks all kinds of what if into you. Why are there so much of these frustrations within?

I need grace, I need assurance, I need strength. I need You. Apart from You, I can do nothing.

A night without sleep could cause dehydration.

A fight in your dream could also cause fatigue.

A list of unwanted bombarding emails could cause overly hyperactive brain cells which leads to partial brain damage.

17 days left for me to consider.

I had listed down 11 items on one side and 3 items on another side.

It is pretty clear. Either now or later.

I had an argument with someone yesterday. I wasn't thinking much at that time. Come to think of it, I was actually being pretty harsh.

3 years ago, It was mistake for not arguing with some people and I regretted for that... Every single incident.

For all that, I said what I need to say, even the meaner words.

And I realised I enjoy arguing quite a bit.

I realised that I have not blog for a long time. 20 days to be exact. There's a saying about one doing something for 21 days then it will become a habit. :P

I was testing out the Dicapac underwater casing with my Panasonic Lumix FX-33 couple of weeks back. But of course it is not for diving purposes. Less than 10 meters maybe? The picture looks great.

Oops! I messed up my blog layout weeks ago and now I am in the midst of saving it... gosh.

Yes! What on earth is happening? I am too busy to blog lately. Haven't even got the time. Work, thinking about Chikuchiku, going for photography workshop, parents and sis visiting, building up a new website... unending.

Well, mainly about work. I don't think I even got the time for toilet break. Why so busy? What so busy at work? Well, we rolled out a new product called Performance Network couple of months back and now it is fully activated. We are going on full throttle.

The other day, I went to Shootfest001: The Wedding. It was really cool. Now I see photography in a different light, and I think I can do much more than the conventional photography and do it my style. One of the most inspiring talk was by Jenny Sun. WHY? because... she started her photography business with just a Canon 350D and a standard kit lens. Moral of the story is, you gotta start somewhere.

Oops. I think Paddy had just got herself in trouble. heh.

Being 24. I think and rethink.

1. I wasted some pieces of my life(just some) and have not wasted my life as it brings out who I am today.
2. 24 years are not a big figure.
   
3. I feel I am"not enough". Not enough in everything. Life experiences, places to go, people I meet, work that I do.
4. I don't like being raw.
5. I finally found something that I'd been searching.
6. Finally knew how exciting it is to be used as a vessel. I am thrilled! Even with such a little effort. But somehow God makes it work!
7. I need a life with purpose. Doing something PURPOSEFUL is more than anything to me.
8. Lead my own life.
   
9. Be real.
10. Acceptance on myself being such random, sometimes peculiar.
    
11. Cannot stand injustice.
12. Loving people with good vibes.
13. and people that have not so good vibes.
14. Sing
15. Sing for Him
16. Laa dee daa
17. Shooting is great. I need to get better. I will carry my Nikon around.
    
18. Next
19. I leap of faith. I need.
20. To be held on His shoulder. I see things better!
21. Learning to listen more.
22. Step out. Get involved!
    
23. Talk more.
    
24. Grow! Grow stronger.
    

If I have 25. I would say. Get fatter. Be fit!

haha. 24. Guess that's it.

Sometimes it takes a lot to be able to look straight into a person's eyes. It could be just some people who just have the "energy" to make another person feel small. Hmm.. or it's just in my mind.

I have a friend who tell me that she has got no self confident. She thinks she has no value as a person. Not worth anything at all. From her, I saw so much of me in the past. Well, when I feel depressed or when I am down, I do think that I am not worthy and that sort of things. But I guess living in No.63, I learnt so much about how I am worthy in God's eyes. Knowing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! and I am bought by the blood of Christ! Everyone. Every soul are! Telling my friend that... I mean, I fully understand how she felt.

I think about the Dalit kids every now and then. and I wonder sometimes, how would anyone ever give up on another person. Be it family, friends, kids... How would people look down on another, thinking that they are more superior, higher in status... Yes, you may have all the wealth in the world, wearing British India outfit, Salvatore Ferragamo leather shoes, Burberry scarf, wearing Tag Heuer watch, carrying a Mac Book Pro, maybe you're a CEO of some public listed company... driving a Mercedes SL 65 AMG... but those are the things that make you look better. Just because you have the access and money to higher education... doesn't put you as "the better" person. All these are not the things that make you who you are. The heart is the one matter most.

Everyone has their worth considering that we were created by the loving hands of God. Only He can fill your heart and when you know that truth. It just make your world a whole lot more nicer.