It's 30th of December 2006.
A year yang sungguh berliku-liku.


Grandpa just passed away 13 days ago. I guess he is in heaven with God... probably having lunch with Him.

The last class has ended and I probably won't have the chance to be sitting in class... listening to lecture... walk around the campus, to the book store, to the lecturers' room, checking marks, wander around central plaza to check out the interesting booths... sit down at "FCM garden(which looks like a condemned place with a few trees dying)" in FCM, go up to the roof top to see the sky...


I got a place for internship. Time for me to face the real world. I am excited and anticipated to work, but there are still certain fears that I need to overcome. By God grace I hope I can.

I'd learn about myself, my own feelings. It's like looking at a dirty mirror which I can't really see it clearly, and I tried to clean it up with my might to see even clearer.
There are so many sides of me which I don't understand and I'm trying to accept.
God made me this way.

There are bonds that has already broken and is trying to be reconciled once again. It's a delicate thing, very delicate. Heart has been broken to be molded up again into a better one and tears has been shed and collected to be remembered as a reminder. At least that is what I believe. We fall, we learn and we run again. With courage and perseverance.

There are so many joy to love and to be loved. I truly thank God for the people that has been giving their support all the way till today. The friendship that is truly blessed and worth celebrate for. People that you feel comfortable to be hoo-haa, to be quiet, to cry, to hug, to lean on, to be upset with, to smile at, to laugh with, to tease... like a pillar to cling on when you need one. They are people who became my city of refuge... the "by default"... All I wish is to be the "by default" too! and It is a joy for me. Thanks for giving the space for me to be me.

Thank You Lord, for the waters and sunshines that make me grow. Thank You for the unfailing love for an unlovable like me. I am so unworthy but You love me. I am smaller than a little dot in this world but You love me. Thank You Lord for letting me know that I am Your daughter. Hopefully next year I can grow even stronger in You.
muahahha... I kept thinking of what to get for my dearly loved friends and I never got to think of what I wanted. Christmas is over. Nvm, let this be a dream then.

1. A car
2. Timberland boots
3. New snickers
4. Lomo LC-A+
5. Canon G7
6. CG books
7. Teva sandals

whoa... if I want it all... I can be broke. hehe...
My billy is gonna die soon as I predict. So, I need to post this before hand.
It's Christmas.
I just opened up all the presents that I got.
Hey... It is heart warming to know that I am loved.
I am so so blessed... indeed I am. I really am. *tears*
Thanks dears. I treasure all of you. yes YOU!


With Lots and Pots of Love,
Phylli.
25-12-06


Grandpa... I know I wasnt too good to you back then. I knew that this day is coming and it just did. I still don't know how to react. I've been ignoring the feeling of missing you until... until I realised that i won't be seeing you anymore this new year. Not anymore in the future but in heaven. My heart sank when I knew that I cant go back to see you for the last time. I am sorry. I miss you grandpa. I really do.

I never sing for you as I remembered. Your ears wasnt that young anymore and theres no point singing for you coz you cant hear it anyway. I still remember times when you still ride your black old bicycle to town... brought back sweets for us everytime we went over to visit you. I still remember the time when you bring me on your bicycle... Day goes by, I grew
up and you got older and older. You forget my name and I just have to remind you.. who am I everytime I went back. The last time I was there, you dont even know who are my. I messages your back when it aches...I remembered that I told you that you are gonna see me get married and have kids then you smile back at me. You want me to study hard and be good girl. I still remember that I play around you during new year begging you for ang pow and more ang pows! That was fun...

The last time I went back, I took a few pictures of you... and now, all I have of you are those memories and those pictures that I have. Now hat you are in heaven, I wonder how are you. Good bye grandpa. Phylli loves you.




Close to God > Faith > Spiritual giftings!
It is not my fault for being hyper!!! It is just... ME. I don't mind getting the blame IF I did it. BUT the thing is I DID NOT! The worst thing is when other people got involved and be blamed just simply because I moved too much?! @*(*#49$#&@^#****... This is so stupid.