Sing with me How great is our God...
How great is His love for me. I'm not even a small, tiny little dot if He watch from the outer space... What's the worth of me? The King of universe... The King of billions and billions of galaxy. But yet He loves me.
How great is our God.
Yet... somehow I've taken it for granted.
January 15, February 15... May 31, 6 months time has almost past. Where should I go? Along this few months that I started working with DCM, it has been so interesting. I learned so much that I couldn't had enough. I've met people that are such an inspiration to me. I see my strength and my weaknesses.
I try, I concentrate, I put my whole heart when I work, putting hopes and trying to be better. Still, I did a lot of mistakes. Some, over and over again. I aimed to finish tasks nicely in time. I aimed to be sharper, I aimed to be more detailed, I aimed to be more independent, I aimed to be more efficient... but sometimes I couldn't. Many times, I screwed up. I fell, swallow, deal with it then I stand up. It makes me upset when I make a mistake. I just hate to make mistake. Everybody make mistake I know, but I just feel awfully idiotic and I can just probably throw myself down from 49th floor and strangle myself along the few seconds before I hit the ground. I thought I can make it on my way to the bull's eye. I was being ambitious.
I am still ambitious and I will not give up. Question, how can I survive in this competitive surroundings? I have so much space for improvement. That upsets me. I need a stepping stone. I've got big dreams.
Next week, I need to face an interview. I'm not sure. I want to stay if I could. Now, I know I can't. I can if I am taken in through that interview... but things will be different then. It will not be the same kind of scope. I can't get what I want. God has been giving me such a nice path... all prepared and fitted in well on the right path. This time, I know He is still in charge. Do I have a choice? What kind of place should I choose? Decisions are all on me. Some might say I have not seen enough, I have not experience enough, I am just not mature enough. Yes, I don't deny the fact that I am raw, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't deny that I am not good enough. I don't. I take advises because I respect and I appreciate. I do appreciate them.
I don't want end up doing a job being incompatible.
This is just a starting point... but I seriously don't know where is the starting point should start. Ahh...
I try, I concentrate, I put my whole heart when I work, putting hopes and trying to be better. Still, I did a lot of mistakes. Some, over and over again. I aimed to finish tasks nicely in time. I aimed to be sharper, I aimed to be more detailed, I aimed to be more independent, I aimed to be more efficient... but sometimes I couldn't. Many times, I screwed up. I fell, swallow, deal with it then I stand up. It makes me upset when I make a mistake. I just hate to make mistake. Everybody make mistake I know, but I just feel awfully idiotic and I can just probably throw myself down from 49th floor and strangle myself along the few seconds before I hit the ground. I thought I can make it on my way to the bull's eye. I was being ambitious.
I am still ambitious and I will not give up. Question, how can I survive in this competitive surroundings? I have so much space for improvement. That upsets me. I need a stepping stone. I've got big dreams.
Next week, I need to face an interview. I'm not sure. I want to stay if I could. Now, I know I can't. I can if I am taken in through that interview... but things will be different then. It will not be the same kind of scope. I can't get what I want. God has been giving me such a nice path... all prepared and fitted in well on the right path. This time, I know He is still in charge. Do I have a choice? What kind of place should I choose? Decisions are all on me. Some might say I have not seen enough, I have not experience enough, I am just not mature enough. Yes, I don't deny the fact that I am raw, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't deny that I am not good enough. I don't. I take advises because I respect and I appreciate. I do appreciate them.
I don't want end up doing a job being incompatible.
Rev. Caleb putting on his robe.
All the Pastors from the Presbytery denomination. Pastor Caleb in the middle.
Handsome Uncle Fong Yang in his robe.
Li Jun the pianist! Wai Joe the supporter! ahhaha...
Di di Eugene on drums!
Little Ethan and little Shawna with mommy
Little Ethan
Little Shawna *Please take attention that this picture was taken by little Ethan ;) *
The congregation. Jules, Eugene and Lee looking into the camera.
The family that has been faithful and supportive.
Cafe@Subang Cell Group. Eh... Where are my?
Yong Yi and Sharon walking down the road. This is so nice that I have to put it up. =)All about work, church, friends and family. Pastor Caleb's ordination, cell group, final internship reports, internship presentation, paint ball, fishing, work, mamak, studio recording, lecturer's company visit, little birthday party, boss, a long talk with my sis...
The most valuable things that I'd learn recently is that I identified some weaknesses in me.
I am not good with time, self-organizing, self-planning... Not just these, I am not a detailed person and that makes me feel miserable always. Well, there are a lot more that I am not good with, but these are those that are very obvious and I know I need a lot of improvement! Ahh... that add one thing on my wish list. A watch.
I went to church yesterday. The sermon talk about being a person with character and integrity. As a Christian, we need to be more firm on not compromising on things that goes against our principal. At the end of the day we will earn the victory. Yes, I think I should aim to be one.
I don't mind to be mold. Instead, I should let myself to be molded. *smile*
Farewell My Concubine (Practise)
Leonard - The band leader, Super passionate when he plays. Somemore dengan penuh gayanye until the fire came out... hahaha...
Victor - Guitar, super concentrate when he plays Sweet Child! You can see his eye brows almost stick together already. Woohoo!!!! Victor in the house!
Julian - Also on guitar. Always play posing posing one. Super conscious when there is a camera around. See, he's making that innocent look again. Kah kah..!!!
Wei Ming - On drums. The youngest of us all. =] But his drums got skills! Don't play play.
Yi Chang - Akon. Hahaha.. Smack that! all on the floor! He almost termakan the mic wei...
Phylli - The prettiest vocalist in FMC! (coz there's no other girl). She sings like a pro if she can remember all her lyrics
We go crazy sometimes. Relax...
From Wei Ming's perspective
Farewell My Concubine (FMC)
FMC had a band performance on the Enchanted Night, the MMU prom. It was supposedly fun and exciting but we were given lousy equipments and that's sucks. How much effort, sweat, tears and time we spent and sacrificed on it just to make all 10 songs to be perfect. Thanks to Behringer amp, Voxx amp, Red Shadow amp and Premier drums with a cracked cymbals and all worn out drums. Stupid. I know we don't sound good that night. It was truly disappointed. We went to the hall the earliest but we had our sound checked the last! FMC were taken for granted.
"Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we had to compromise a lot on the sound. I am so sorry. But FMC will try to give our best to you tonight! Yeah!!!"
Anyway, It was really great singing and gigging with FMC. I had lots of fun and it was a great experience. FMC, you ROCKS!!!
"Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we had to compromise a lot on the sound. I am so sorry. But FMC will try to give our best to you tonight! Yeah!!!"
Anyway, It was really great singing and gigging with FMC. I had lots of fun and it was a great experience. FMC, you ROCKS!!!
"What if I die?"
People out there!! If I die, I want white roses for my funeral. I want Jules to sing and Lern or Sarah to play, Lee to make video about me. Can? What will people say about me during my funeral? hmm... what are the things that they will remember about me if I die? I think I will look at my own funeral from up high and listen to what they talk about me lor. Maybe I request a big LCD screen from God to view my funeral live from the heaven! If I can.
Just wanna tell all of you that love me that I love you. You know who are my talking about. I am afraid that I will not have the chance to say that anymore if I really die. Thanks for all the care that you gave to me and I appreciate them so much although you might think I never take those seriously.
Last Thursday, was really busy for an F1 party in Mezquite 52 KL. It was hectic but yet so lots of fun. Despite other things that happened, the party was a great success.I got some bruises cause of the fall and the bang. Ouch... but whee! and I saw Pedro De la Rosa. Let's put up some photos first! :D
The VP interviewing Pedro. =)
The crowd taking pictures of Pedro.
When shit happens, there is no tolerance, no mercy, no justice. I don't understand why. Somehow... it wasn't anyone's fault. It just wasn't. This time around, it is the same. It is just not one's fault. I knew it was not. At least, it can't be blamed fully on just one person. How I wish I can share the burden.
Who will listen to the cries of those being threated with unjustness? The justice is not gonna be claimed. No one will claims. The first contractor will push the shit to the second contractor, then the fourth contractor and it continues. Who ever is the third or the fourth contractor, they are just gonna be there to collect all the mess, cleaning them up then contain everything inside.
I am just feeling bad about it. I am the fourth contractor, but I didn't get the shit. It looks like it happened by choice. Not fair.
I dont know why, but I start thinking about my own life right now. What do I want for myself. I know God is always there to have plans for me. Everything I'm facing now is not a big deal, just that it kept me thinking. What's the worth of me living. How do I live it out to the fullest or maybe how should I live it out to the fullest.
So many people around that you have to please them. When I started my working life, there are so many people around that you are bound with. Facing them everyday, tackle every single task, every single person and at the same time you need to protect yourself.
I gotta take good care of myself... but somehow, there are just so many things around that distract. Many situations were given, its like many many life assignments to learn. It's fun, but sometimes I don't seems to find the balance. Feels like I am not equipped or being strong enough for everything. Just not enough.
Chill. Chill...
So many people around that you have to please them. When I started my working life, there are so many people around that you are bound with. Facing them everyday, tackle every single task, every single person and at the same time you need to protect yourself.
I gotta take good care of myself... but somehow, there are just so many things around that distract. Many situations were given, its like many many life assignments to learn. It's fun, but sometimes I don't seems to find the balance. Feels like I am not equipped or being strong enough for everything. Just not enough.
Chill. Chill...
I really hope this can work... Sending... sending... still sending... SENT!
whee.... let's see.
I don't know the way you see me.
It seems so far away in the galaxy that I can only watch but not feel.
My hands are dry and my feet are tired.
I keep running but it isn't heading anywhere.
Till I kneel down to You and cry out loud.
Tears rolled down these cheeks of mine.
Shouting out to You in my heart, questioning You of what You have for me. What?? what??
Do You actually care?
I don't seem to shine for You.
I don't seem to glorify You.
I don't seem to obey You.
I don't seem to trust You that much...
Do You still want me?
But... what are my now? Who are my? I lost myself...
I'm so unworthy and I don't deserve all these.
How? Should I do something about it? Like what?
I dreamt. Dreamt about many things. Human beings, creatures and plants. All together in one dream. Maybe I should dream for You... and I want to. Dream big..
Many things have changed within just a few weeks. In terms of people and environment.
I went back home for less than a week before I started working as an intern. Being at home was nice. I'd been preparing for my internship back home, filling up the forms, open up EPF accounts and stuff like that. Seeing families and friends. One thing though, I didn't stop by to see grandpa's grave.
I've started with my internship in DaimlerChrysler, since the 15th of January '07. For that, I moved to Kelana Jaya for good, with the rental of rm 300 disregard the fussy house owner. ><" . Goodo housemates =) . I started going to work by the train early in the morning like... 8? yeah. It's a nice environment to work with. Nice people. I am glad that I am here. Working... until 8pm? yeah, most of the time. Going from Kelana Jaya to Kerinchi by LRT takes about 20 mins. Convenient.
Menara TM is a nice place, for it's SkyGarden I suppose. I'd taken some of the picture, nice view of KL. See lah, if I get to upload them. Learned pretty much stuff. The best thing is that I get to learn and I have a pretty good boss. yeah, unless they are willing to teach me things generously. I just hope that I could learn things fast, do things efficiently... being productive. Yeah.
Okay, let's talk about my house. My house owners consist of 3 persons - the mother(75?), father(80++) and the daughter(40?). Imagine this: an old lady checking out your room moving things around the house(even though thats your things!) giving insructions on how you should NOT put your things your own way... nagging:" So untidy!! So untidy!!" all times when she is around. You will die of suffocation. Luckily I only met her once in the house. she normally drops by once or twice a week. I can't imagine how novell and annie could stand it. The house is full of doors and locks! Guess the house owners are so paranoid. kekeke... To wash and to dry your clothes, you need to open up 7 doors with 3 of them with pad locks. I kid you not.
Working life is fun... but sometimes it is a little bit lonely. yeah. just that. It takes a little bit of adaptation... Just a bit...
Thats all for now I guess. Ciaoz!
On the night that I moved in to the house, I found Ringgit Malaysia 400, 10 Pounds, and 2 Singapore Dollar. Cool? but I return the money back to the house owner already. +_+*
The classic padlock can be found only at No.3, SS4/20!!
The beautiful morning sun that I saw on my way to the LRT station.
Menara TM. Hmmm... Which is the 49th floor? A collegue said that there is a crane where they left in the middle of the building.
My workplace. This picture was taken on the first day of work. Lots of brochures.
The three pointed star on my T-shirt.
1.30pm - This uncle will send a van of fruits outside of the building. Chinese New Year is coming, lots of mandarin oranges!
Check out the traffic before you go back. Heck! I don't even have a car!
This is what I meant by lonely. This is the elevator that I took every time I go home. Alone.A year yang sungguh berliku-liku.
Grandpa just passed away 13 days ago. I guess he is in heaven with God... probably having lunch with Him.
The last class has ended and I probably won't have the chance to be sitting in class... listening to lecture... walk around the campus, to the book store, to the lecturers' room, checking marks, wander around central plaza to check out the interesting booths... sit down at "FCM garden(which looks like a condemned place with a few trees dying)" in FCM, go up to the roof top to see the sky...
I got a place for internship. Time for me to face the real world. I am excited and anticipated to work, but there are still certain fears that I need to overcome. By God grace I hope I can.
I'd learn about myself, my own feelings. It's like looking at a dirty mirror which I can't really see it clearly, and I tried to clean it up with my might to see even clearer.
There are so many sides of me which I don't understand and I'm trying to accept.
God made me this way.
There are bonds that has already broken and is trying to be reconciled once again. It's a delicate thing, very delicate. Heart has been broken to be molded up again into a better one and tears has been shed and collected to be remembered as a reminder. At least that is what I believe. We fall, we learn and we run again. With courage and perseverance.
There are so many joy to love and to be loved. I truly thank God for the people that has been giving their support all the way till today. The friendship that is truly blessed and worth celebrate for. People that you feel comfortable to be hoo-haa, to be quiet, to cry, to hug, to lean on, to be upset with, to smile at, to laugh with, to tease... like a pillar to cling on when you need one. They are people who became my city of refuge... the "by default"... All I wish is to be the "by default" too! and It is a joy for me. Thanks for giving the space for me to be me.
Thank You Lord, for the waters and sunshines that make me grow. Thank You for the unfailing love for an unlovable like me. I am so unworthy but You love me. I am smaller than a little dot in this world but You love me. Thank You Lord for letting me know that I am Your daughter. Hopefully next year I can grow even stronger in You.
1. A car
2. Timberland boots
3. New snickers
4. Lomo LC-A+
5. Canon G7
6. CG books
7. Teva sandals
whoa... if I want it all... I can be broke. hehe...
My billy is gonna die soon as I predict. So, I need to post this before hand.
It's Christmas.
I just opened up all the presents that I got.
Hey... It is heart warming to know that I am loved.
I am so so blessed... indeed I am. I really am. *tears*
Thanks dears. I treasure all of you. yes YOU!
With Lots and Pots of Love,
Phylli.
25-12-06
It's Christmas.
I just opened up all the presents that I got.
Hey... It is heart warming to know that I am loved.
I am so so blessed... indeed I am. I really am. *tears*
Thanks dears. I treasure all of you. yes YOU!
With Lots and Pots of Love,
Phylli.
25-12-06
Grandpa... I know I wasnt too good to you back then. I knew that this day is coming and it just did. I still don't know how to react. I've been ignoring the feeling of missing you until... until I realised that i won't be seeing you anymore this new year. Not anymore in the future but in heaven. My heart sank when I knew that I cant go back to see you for the last time. I am sorry. I miss you grandpa. I really do.
I never sing for you as I remembered. Your ears wasnt that young anymore and theres no point singing for you coz you cant hear it anyway. I still remember times when you still ride your black old bicycle to town... brought back sweets for us everytime we went over to visit you. I still remember the time when you bring me on your bicycle... Day goes by, I grew up and you got older and older. You forget my name and I just have to remind you.. who am I everytime I went back. The last time I was there, you dont even know who are my. I messages your back when it aches...I remembered that I told you that you are gonna see me get married and have kids then you smile back at me. You want me to study hard and be good girl. I still remember that I play around you during new year begging you for ang pow and more ang pows! That was fun...
The last time I went back, I took a few pictures of you... and now, all I have of you are those memories and those pictures that I have. Now hat you are in heaven, I wonder how are you. Good bye grandpa. Phylli loves you.
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