January 15, February 15... May 31, 6 months time has almost past. Where should I go? Along this few months that I started working with DCM, it has been so interesting. I learned so much that I couldn't had enough. I've met people that are such an inspiration to me. I see my strength and my weaknesses.
I try, I concentrate, I put my whole heart when I work, putting hopes and trying to be better. Still, I did a lot of mistakes. Some, over and over again. I aimed to finish tasks nicely in time. I aimed to be sharper, I aimed to be more detailed, I aimed to be more independent, I aimed to be more efficient... but sometimes I couldn't. Many times, I screwed up. I fell, swallow, deal with it then I stand up. It makes me upset when I make a mistake. I just hate to make mistake. Everybody make mistake I know, but I just feel awfully idiotic and I can just probably throw myself down from 49th floor and strangle myself along the few seconds before I hit the ground. I thought I can make it on my way to the bull's eye. I was being ambitious.
I am still ambitious and I will not give up. Question, how can I survive in this competitive surroundings? I have so much space for improvement. That upsets me. I need a stepping stone. I've got big dreams.
Next week, I need to face an interview. I'm not sure. I want to stay if I could. Now, I know I can't. I can if I am taken in through that interview... but things will be different then. It will not be the same kind of scope. I can't get what I want. God has been giving me such a nice path... all prepared and fitted in well on the right path. This time, I know He is still in charge. Do I have a choice? What kind of place should I choose? Decisions are all on me. Some might say I have not seen enough, I have not experience enough, I am just not mature enough. Yes, I don't deny the fact that I am raw, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't deny that I am not good enough. I don't. I take advises because I respect and I appreciate. I do appreciate them.
I don't want end up doing a job being incompatible.
This is just a starting point... but I seriously don't know where is the starting point should start. Ahh...
All about work, church, friends and family. Pastor Caleb's ordination, cell group, final internship reports, internship presentation, paint ball, fishing, work, mamak, studio recording, lecturer's company visit, little birthday party, boss, a long talk with my sis...
The most valuable things that I'd learn recently is that I identified some weaknesses in me.
I am not good with time, self-organizing, self-planning... Not just these, I am not a detailed person and that makes me feel miserable always. Well, there are a lot more that I am not good with, but these are those that are very obvious and I know I need a lot of improvement! Ahh... that add one thing on my wish list. A watch.
I went to church yesterday. The sermon talk about being a person with character and integrity. As a Christian, we need to be more firm on not compromising on things that goes against our principal. At the end of the day we will earn the victory. Yes, I think I should aim to be one.
I don't mind to be mold. Instead, I should let myself to be molded. *smile*
Leonard - The band leader, Super passionate when he plays. Somemore dengan penuh gayanye until the fire came out... hahaha...
Victor - Guitar, super concentrate when he plays Sweet Child! You can see his eye brows almost stick together already. Woohoo!!!! Victor in the house!
Julian - Also on guitar. Always play posing posing one. Super conscious when there is a camera around. See, he's making that innocent look again. Kah kah..!!!
Wei Ming - On drums. The youngest of us all. =] But his drums got skills! Don't play play.
Yi Chang - Akon. Hahaha.. Smack that! all on the floor! He almost termakan the mic wei...
Phylli - The prettiest vocalist in FMC! (coz there's no other girl). She sings like a pro if she can remember all her lyrics
FMC had a band performance on the Enchanted Night, the MMU prom. It was supposedly fun and exciting but we were given lousy equipments and that's sucks. How much effort, sweat, tears and time we spent and sacrificed on it just to make all 10 songs to be perfect. Thanks to Behringer amp, Voxx amp, Red Shadow amp and Premier drums with a cracked cymbals and all worn out drums. Stupid. I know we don't sound good that night. It was truly disappointed. We went to the hall the earliest but we had our sound checked the last! FMC were taken for granted.
"Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we had to compromise a lot on the sound. I am so sorry. But FMC will try to give our best to you tonight! Yeah!!!"
Anyway, It was really great singing and gigging with FMC. I had lots of fun and it was a great experience. FMC, you ROCKS!!!
I thought I was going to die. I couldn't see anything and I had no strength. The moment I open up my eyes, I found my malfunctioned body within the pails then I tried to get up and walk out from the toilet but again the world turned upside down, it was all dark and later on I found myself on the floor. I can feel my sweat crawling like hundreds of ants on my forehead and my face, cold. When everything is out of my control(even my own body) the toilet floor is more than enough to rest on.
"What if I die?"
People out there!! If I die, I want white roses for my funeral. I want Jules to sing and Lern or Sarah to play, Lee to make video about me. Can? What will people say about me during my funeral? hmm... what are the things that they will remember about me if I die? I think I will look at my own funeral from up high and listen to what they talk about me lor. Maybe I request a big LCD screen from God to view my funeral live from the heaven! If I can.
Just wanna tell all of you that love me that I love you. You know who are my talking about. I am afraid that I will not have the chance to say that anymore if I really die. Thanks for all the care that you gave to me and I appreciate them so much although you might think I never take those seriously.
Last Thursday, was really busy for an F1 party in Mezquite 52 KL. It was hectic but yet so lots of fun. Despite other things that happened, the party was a great success.I got some bruises cause of the fall and the bang. Ouch... but whee! and I saw Pedro De la Rosa. Let's put up some photos first! :D
When shit happens, there is no tolerance, no mercy, no justice. I don't understand why. Somehow... it wasn't anyone's fault. It just wasn't. This time around, it is the same. It is just not one's fault. I knew it was not. At least, it can't be blamed fully on just one person. How I wish I can share the burden.
Who will listen to the cries of those being threated with unjustness? The justice is not gonna be claimed. No one will claims. The first contractor will push the shit to the second contractor, then the fourth contractor and it continues. Who ever is the third or the fourth contractor, they are just gonna be there to collect all the mess, cleaning them up then contain everything inside.
I am just feeling bad about it. I am the fourth contractor, but I didn't get the shit. It looks like it happened by choice. Not fair.
I dont know why, but I start thinking about my own life right now. What do I want for myself. I know God is always there to have plans for me. Everything I'm facing now is not a big deal, just that it kept me thinking. What's the worth of me living. How do I live it out to the fullest or maybe how should I live it out to the fullest.
So many people around that you have to please them. When I started my working life, there are so many people around that you are bound with. Facing them everyday, tackle every single task, every single person and at the same time you need to protect yourself.
I gotta take good care of myself... but somehow, there are just so many things around that distract. Many situations were given, its like many many life assignments to learn. It's fun, but sometimes I don't seems to find the balance. Feels like I am not equipped or being strong enough for everything. Just not enough.
Yay! it's 10:09am and I am still sitting in front of my pc in my room! I really hope this can work... Sending... sending... still sending... SENT! whee.... let's see.
I don't seem to be good enough for You. I don't know the way you see me. It seems so far away in the galaxy that I can only watch but not feel. My hands are dry and my feet are tired.
I keep running but it isn't heading anywhere. Till I kneel down to You and cry out loud. Tears rolled down these cheeks of mine. Shouting out to You in my heart, questioning You of what You have for me. What?? what?? Do You actually care?
I don't seem to shine for You. I don't seem to glorify You. I don't seem to obey You. I don't seem to trust You that much... Do You still want me?
But... what are my now? Who are my? I lost myself... I'm so unworthy and I don't deserve all these. How? Should I do something about it? Like what?
I dreamt. Dreamt about many things. Human beings, creatures and plants. All together in one dream. Maybe I should dream for You... and I want to. Dream big..
Hey there, It's been really long that I did't blog. Many things have changed within just a few weeks. In terms of people and environment.
I went back home for less than a week before I started working as an intern. Being at home was nice. I'd been preparing for my internship back home, filling up the forms, open up EPF accounts and stuff like that. Seeing families and friends. One thing though, I didn't stop by to see grandpa's grave. I've started with my internship in DaimlerChrysler, since the 15th of January '07. For that, I moved to Kelana Jaya for good, with the rental of rm 300 disregard the fussy house owner. ><" . Goodo housemates =) . I started going to work by the train early in the morning like... 8? yeah. It's a nice environment to work with. Nice people. I am glad that I am here. Working... until 8pm? yeah, most of the time. Going from Kelana Jaya to Kerinchi by LRT takes about 20 mins. Convenient. Menara TM is a nice place, for it's SkyGarden I suppose. I'd taken some of the picture, nice view of KL. See lah, if I get to upload them. Learned pretty much stuff. The best thing is that I get to learn and I have a pretty good boss. yeah, unless they are willing to teach me things generously. I just hope that I could learn things fast, do things efficiently... being productive. Yeah.
Okay, let's talk about my house. My house owners consist of 3 persons - the mother(75?), father(80++) and the daughter(40?). Imagine this: an old lady checking out your room moving things around the house(even though thats your things!) giving insructions on how you should NOT put your things your own way... nagging:" So untidy!! So untidy!!" all times when she is around. You will die of suffocation. Luckily I only met her once in the house. she normally drops by once or twice a week. I can't imagine how novell and annie could stand it. The house is full of doors and locks! Guess the house owners are so paranoid. kekeke... To wash and to dry your clothes, you need to open up 7 doors with 3 of them with pad locks. I kid you not.
Working life is fun... but sometimes it is a little bit lonely. yeah. just that. It takes a little bit of adaptation... Just a bit... Thats all for now I guess. Ciaoz!
On the night that I moved in to the house, I found Ringgit Malaysia 400, 10 Pounds, and 2 Singapore Dollar. Cool? but I return the money back to the house owner already. +_+*
The classic padlock can be found only at No.3, SS4/20!!
The beautiful morning sun that I saw on my way to the LRT station.
Menara TM. Hmmm... Which is the 49th floor? A collegue said that there is a crane where they left in the middle of the building.
My workplace. This picture was taken on the first day of work. Lots of brochures.
The three pointed star on my T-shirt.
1.30pm - This uncle will send a van of fruits outside of the building. Chinese New Year is coming, lots of mandarin oranges!
Check out the traffic before you go back. Heck! I don't even have a car!
This is what I meant by lonely. This is the elevator that I took every time I go home. Alone.
It's 30th of December 2006. A year yang sungguh berliku-liku.
Grandpa just passed away 13 days ago. I guess he is in heaven with God... probably having lunch with Him.
The last class has ended and I probably won't have the chance to be sitting in class... listening to lecture... walk around the campus, to the book store, to the lecturers' room, checking marks, wander around central plaza to check out the interesting booths... sit down at "FCM garden(which looks like a condemned place with a few trees dying)" in FCM, go up to the roof top to see the sky... I got a place for internship. Time for me to face the real world. I am excited and anticipated to work, but there are still certain fears that I need to overcome. By God grace I hope I can.
I'd learn about myself, my own feelings. It's like looking at a dirty mirror which I can't really see it clearly, and I tried to clean it up with my might to see even clearer. There are so many sides of me which I don't understand and I'm trying to accept. God made me this way.
There are bonds that has already broken and is trying to be reconciled once again. It's a delicate thing, very delicate. Heart has been broken to be molded up again into a better one and tears has been shed and collected to be remembered as a reminder. At least that is what I believe. We fall, we learn and we run again. With courage and perseverance.
There are so many joy to love and to be loved. I truly thank God for the people that has been giving their support all the way till today. The friendship that is truly blessed and worth celebrate for. People that you feel comfortable to be hoo-haa, to be quiet, to cry, to hug, to lean on, to be upset with, to smile at, to laugh with, to tease... like a pillar to cling on when you need one. They are people who became my city of refuge... the "by default"... All I wish is to be the "by default" too! and It is a joy for me. Thanks for giving the space for me to be me.
Thank You Lord, for the waters and sunshines that make me grow. Thank You for the unfailing love for an unlovable like me. I am so unworthy but You love me. I am smaller than a little dot in this world but You love me. Thank You Lord for letting me know that I am Your daughter. Hopefully next year I can grow even stronger in You.
muahahha... I kept thinking of what to get for my dearly loved friends and I never got to think of what I wanted. Christmas is over. Nvm, let this be a dream then.
1. A car 2. Timberland boots 3. New snickers 4. Lomo LC-A+ 5. Canon G7 6. CG books 7. Teva sandals
whoa... if I want it all... I can be broke. hehe...
My billy is gonna die soon as I predict. So, I need to post this before hand. It's Christmas. I just opened up all the presents that I got. Hey... It is heart warming to know that I am loved. I am so so blessed... indeed I am. I really am. *tears* Thanks dears. I treasure all of you. yes YOU!
Grandpa... I know I wasnt too good to you back then. I knew that this day is coming and it just did. I still don't know how to react. I've been ignoring the feeling of missing you until... until I realised that i won't be seeing you anymore this new year. Not anymore in the future but in heaven. My heart sank when I knew that I cant go back to see you for the last time. I am sorry. I miss you grandpa. I really do.
I never sing for you as I remembered. Your ears wasnt that young anymore and theres no point singing for you coz you cant hear it anyway. I still remember times when you still ride your black old bicycle to town... brought back sweets for us everytime we went over to visit you. I still remember the time when you bring me on your bicycle... Day goes by, I grew up and you got older and older. You forget my name and I just have to remind you.. who am I everytime I went back. The last time I was there, you dont even know who are my. I messages your back when it aches...I remembered that I told you that you are gonna see me get married and have kids then you smile back at me. You want me to study hard and be good girl. I still remember that I play around you during new year begging you for ang pow and more ang pows! That was fun...
The last time I went back, I took a few pictures of you... and now, all I have of you are those memories and those pictures that I have. Now hat you are in heaven, I wonder how are you. Good bye grandpa. Phylli loves you.
It is not my fault for being hyper!!! It is just... ME. I don't mind getting the blame IF I did it. BUT the thing is I DID NOT! The worst thing is when other people got involved and be blamed just simply because I moved too much?! @*(*#49$#&@^#****... This is so stupid.
Wow... This reminds me of my dad. Although I am not disabled but I guess my papa have always keep himself strong for me. The first time when I fainted in school, I saw him rushing towards the teacher office through the canteen's counter. Then, he ran over for me, gently wipe away the minyak kapak on my forehead (coz he knew I can't stand it) and he carried me in his arms to the car.. and rushed to the hospital. I saw his face... and I still remember everything.
[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly] I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.
But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.
Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.
Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?
And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life. This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.
"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''
But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.''
"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.''
Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.''
That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''
And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.
``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.
Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''
How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.
Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?
Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.
This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.
``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.''
And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.
That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.
``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''
Posts
